What I know about Australia

- 2 minutes read - 417 words

Since I’m about to go to Australia I decided that I should meditate upon the things that I already know about the country. I would like to have a recorded state that I can use to see what I learned or how my perceptions changed. Lessee…

Halfway through the HTML-ization of this knowledge, it strikes me that I have been a very effective subject of Australian cultural export and advertising barrage.

Things I Know About AUS thanks to… Neighbours

  1. Every woman in Australia is hot.
  2. Every woman in Australia is jonesing for a singing career (Imbruglia, Minogue times two)

Things I Know About AUS thanks to… Colin Hay of Men At Work

  1. Vegimite is a type of sandwich
  2. Recently I’ve started to wonder if “Man From down Under” was actually an allegorical song about being from a place of disconnectedness. I saw Hay sing this unplugged and instead of a kitch song appealing to tourists it seemed to describe, albeit in a rather upbeat form, the same sentiment behind Bowie’s Space Oddity
  3. Always call before ‘swinging by’ someone’s house lest you induce a feverish round of paranoia. Please, answer Who It Can Be before rending these kindly folk frozen with fear.

Things I Know About AUS thanks to… Crocodile Dundee

  1. In Australia NEVER EVER EVER lean too close to a pool with a canteen on. This extends to swimming pools.
  2. Australia is full of good-hearted simple folk who respect throwing back booze, truthfulness, and displays of strength….to say nothing of nicotine!
  3. Australians tote much larger knives

Things I Know About AUS thanks to… The Crocodile Hunter

  1. A total tool can get a TV show in Australia - and, much to the chagrin of his countryman, dominate the county’s cultural export scene.

Things I Know About AUS thanks to… Nick Cave

  1. My fear of dying as subject of a murder ballad will now peak when visiting either Texas or Australia
  2. Stay away from women married to John Brown
  3. Most Australian famous people move to London

Things I Know About AUS thanks to… INXS

  1. There is a pretty girl named Kate whose acquaintance I am anxious to make
  2. Leather, leather, leather

Things I know about AUS thanks to…Mad Max

  1. Still not a fan of Assless Chaps
  2. Leather, leather, leather

Things I know about AUS thanks to…AC/DC

  1. Do not sleep in your car
  2. Upon returning home from the corner shop with chips and a lager, I may, on occasion, come home to find my model girlfriend riding a mechanical bull