A movie no one should see, or everyone should see


Shoot ‘Em Up Poster

I’m well past the age of seeing movies that are terrible for the purpose of throwing back a few beers and marveling at just how horrible it is.

But I remember that Mr. Shoemaker, at the beginning of UT football season, and I were both kinda excited to catch Shoot ’em Up. We thought that, from the trailers, the gratuitous love of bullets would be an unashamedly bullet-heavy, ridiculous action-fest.

Through a moment of loopiness at the RedBox DVD kiosk, I found myself watching this with Lauren.

Now on paper my man-crush, and Lauren’s more conventional crush, Clive Owen will be afforded opportunities to excel all things he’s good at:

  1. Handsomely British
  2. Gun-wielding
  3. Jokey
  4. Will drive a BMW ( and no one drives a BMW like Clive see the BMW “Driver” series )

And my conventional crush, no opinions from Lauren, Monica Bellucci will be afforded opportunities to excel at things she’s good at:

  1. Being hot
  2. Being hot.
  3. Speaking Italian (although she really can act! See “Malena)

And the movie doesn’t fail to deliver as a send up of the ridiculous action-packed thriller ( “The Transporter”, oh hell, pretty much anything with Jason Statham). It doesn’t fail to afford the gunslinger a mysterious past, a vendetta, and a quick ( carrots, seriously ). And in this, the movie absolutely succeeds. Bullet casings fly, seas of bullets are dodged and human limits of pain are ignored. In this sense it is funny and fun.

But on another level, a plot level, it’s as intelligent as an episode of “Walker, Texas Ranger”, which, in college-times, was a favorite mark for cruel assessments of ridiculous characterization, lousy direction, and un-necessary slow downs of Chuck’s roundhouses.

In short, watch it when you can tolerate an absurd laugh or two.