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Lessons for My Children Volume I

Keep a bottle of good vodka in the freezer at all times

Why:

Theoretical reasons:

  • Surveys show vodka is womens' favorite liquor. If you have a lady guest over and want to offer her a cocktail, this is a good insurance policy. I figure this is good for my sons, girls, uh, drink up?_

  • With my martini-fandom genetics in your cells, you’ll probably want it anyway

  • In a pinch, it could substitute for aniseptic alcohol

  • Burn Trauma - detailed below

Real World The other day I was just returned from my latest visit to Austin and was cooking a pasta + sauce dinner. I went to remove my microwaved sauce out and one latent pocket of hot air burped scalding hot sauce onto my hand.

I immediately put it under cold water and grabbed (with the other hand) a bag of Ziploc bags (it’s still magical, those bags) wherewith to make an ice compress. When I reached to grab the ice trays they were terribly light, no - wait - they were empty.

At that point I could have been forced to run to the corner store for ice but instead i had a tall bottle of Absolut just chillin (as it were). I was able to use it as a cold source to take care of my burn well enough to eat dinner while new ice cubes were being made.

Eventually the heat transfer of my burned hand and room temperature removed the chilling effect of the vodka, but by that time the ice was ready.

Now, the vodka’s benefit did not end there for while I really wanted to go to bed, the burn and the icing was too difficult to manage whilst lying down. Again the cornucopia of fermented grain came to the resuce and after 2 screwdrivers the pain was quite…unnoticed. I headed to bed and in the morning all was well.

Lesson: Freeze your vodka, step one of that is to have it.