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Thinking About Relationships…

My father and I, both being single men, are consistently trying to unearth the secrets of what makes the relationship work.

I suggested for criteria:

  • physical

  • intellectual

  • “team spirit” / collaborativity

  • spiritual

I shall expand upon these here:

Physical - do you have a chemical high / attraction. We’re talking about the coarse, do you want to touch, undress, etc. this person.

Intellectual - Does this person say things that make your mind hum in a blissful fashion?

Team Spirit - Can you negotiate with this person? Can you tell her that she can’t get her nails done because of….? Does he have to spend all Sunday watching the games?

Spiritual - Do you and this person share a similar view about humankind, its place in the universe? Do you want to do yoga together or go to church? Do you have a similarly allied view of humanity at its core?

I propose that for each of these you can have a 1, a .75, a .5, or a .25.

I don’t know what the sum of these fields would signify (besides a total).

Patrick suggested these other areas:

World Experience: Has the person had a job, lived away from their parents, studied abroad? Alternatively, is the person too ‘world view’, too tolerant, etc.

Socio-Economic: Let’s be honest. Money matters. If you grow up in an environment where you’ve never learned to save, delay gratification, or put in a day’s work you’re going to have a hard time understanding when your partner wants to.

Cache': Does the person make you feel snazzy about yourself as someone “who got this fine catch” when you think of being seen with this person or saying “that’s my date over there” or “that’s my date over there, the one that helps burn victims walk”. Does the person have arm-candy factor, do you think “damn, we look good together”

Clutter Factor: How much crap is a person willing to tolerate for how long

AEsthetics: Do you and this person agree aesthetically / stylistically. If she’s a sherpa outfit Burning Man regalia 365 days a year, Mr. Armani is going to have a hard time ironing out the delta. Likewise if she’s way into Asian furniture but he doesn’t care much about design at all (and thus won’t appreciate what she spends her time investigating) then you may have problems

From Mice I got:

Family Proximity / Bond Factor Whew, this one is hard to explain but it describes a match between: did the other have siblings? Are their parents together. Did they know both their parents? Do they have an understanding of their parents as people who date one another (even if married).

From John I got:

Mercury Factor: What is the liklihood of one of the parties doing something mercurial like …. let’s go to Vegas, now!

While talking to John I thought of:

OK OK, no matter how i address this one I’m going to have people hate me and ruin dating chances, but dammit, let’s be honest here.

Physical Attractiveness: How important is it that your partner maintain that hot bod? Now, I realize bodies change as one ages, has children etc. But if you went from being a guy who hit the gym somewhat regularly to joe Beer-gut - is she supposed to deal? Likewise after your kids are you never going to try to lose some of the extra weight?

So here’s a rough stab at some key compatibilty indicators.

If anyone has any other categories to add, I’d love to hear them, or if anyone wants to rename my criteria, etc. that would be great.