I have a stomach flu and I thought that a bit of lighthearted comedy would help.
Woe to me that the chosen film was the sequel to the surprisingly sweet and kind Legally Blonde.
Yes, that’s right, even as I type this I feel my neurons imploding to the ridiculous dialog, hackneyed plot twists, and barrage of pink that is Legally Blonde II.
I don’t think this is helping the churning gurgle in my gut.
This last weekend Lauren and I caught the anti-Darjeeling Mumbledy, a movie with quirk and actual heart, “Lars and the Real Girl”
Lars is a very young, very lonely, and painfully shy 27-year-old man who lives in the upper wint’ry wastes of The Mitten. He lives in a small, meagerly-heated garage adjacent to the big house where his brother and pregnant wife live. He drives his winter-reasonable Toyota hatch-back from his “Office Space” ( action figures and stuffed animals, yes, humorous destruction of productivity solutions, no ) job and on Sunday Lars shows up to church ( while the brother and wife attend Keillor’s Church of Brunch ).
What makes a “quirky characters” movie work is that the characters have time and space to breathe, to expand, to talk about their situation, at length, and to let you find ways to identify with them. If they are merely “zany and like action figures” ( or luggage, or frisbee golf ) for no apparent reason without an intimate bond to the viewer, then the magic fails and you wind up with a Darjeeling Mumbledy. But, if, in their subtle and vulnerable invitation, you see a reflection of your own quotidian loves, foibles, and failures, then, my friends, the magic is on.
So when we let Lars breathe we see that he’s in a painful phase that, I’d wager, just about everyone who reads my little review can identify with: he’s horribly lonely. In a conversation with Patricia Clarkson’s Doctor / Psychotherapist ( “you have to be, this far North” ) he asks her if she still feels lonely since the death of her husband.
Some days I feel so lonely I forget what day of the week it is.
What young man moved away from the farm doesn’t know this? What divorcée, widow, brother, or husband, what ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, the girl left on the train station platform back home? In short, we all are Lars, getting by in spite of the oppressive blackness of loneliness in whatever way we can. To condemn that fragile tendril of love that pulls us together because it’s “immoral” or “he/she’s not like us” is to damn a soul to the slowest death of all: death by disassociation.
But how to flesh out the subtle undercurrents of loneliness, what this private madness does to the heart and the mind? Soliloquy and invective are not the best media for his message. How can the depth and subtle nuances of loneliness be revealed in a new way?
Enter “Bianca”. That is, Lars orders a “Real Girl”. A real girl is a fully, uh, functional, anatomically correct, uh, partnership doll. We’re talking 150 pounds of incredibly realistic-looking female with a synthetic skin and go-go boots.
While the townspeople immediately ruminate on Lars’ sexual designs on Bianca, we see that it was not horndoggery that brought the two together, it was Lars’ deep abiding need to love someone, even if that love could not be given back in equal measure. And in this we see a new face of loneliness, as Monsieur Hugo said, that while it is fine to be loved, a far, far finer thing it is to love.
Further, we see that aspect of projection that is so deeply hidden in deep loneliness. Lars projects the life he dreams he and his dream-girl living. He doesn’t force Bianca to wear risqueée clothing Bianca was shipped with, he immediately seeks to clothe her in the demure jumpers of his sister-in law. He sees cute winter wear and thinks “Wouldn’t that look great on her”. He fabricates in her life story that she is half-Danish to be like the, I assume, Danish-Americans both he and his brother represent (Lars and Gus[tav] - chances are in my favor ).
He imagines so much more than just sex – he imagines life: trips to the lake, a heartfelt serenade, taking his best girl to church, and introducing her to his brother and sister-in-law.
Director Craig Gillespie, thankfully, never leaves Bianca’s inanimate form as a Weekend At Bernie’s sight gag. When Bianca flumps over she is set aright and tenderly covered with a blanket. When she needs a bath, Gus and his wife oblige. Her beauty and texture are realized to be an asset as she “models” in the window of a mall boutique. In short, she’s real because the world relates to her, because they relate to Lars, and out of their love for this home-town boy turned a little odd, they realize he needs this relationship to learn to re-connect.
Lars’ path is shepherded by the fantastic Patricia Clarkson, who plays the aforementioned doctor. Together these two talk about loneliness and help Lars begin to break his emotional ice. Lars is so shy that mere touching feels to him as burning, and that social interactions drive him to painful wincing and panic-attack. Ryan Gosling does a great job conveying the desperation and the shame interwoven into his character. I’d never seen anything the gentleman had done before and I must say I believe he will continue to do great things in future.
And the wild-card in the whole story is the incredibly sweet, warm, and loving Margo played perfectly by Kelli Garner ( incidentally, mad propz for being fearless enough to go lite on the makeup, simple on the hair, and un-chic on the wardrobe: believable and fearless ). A girl whose winter-ready Toyota hatchback might benefit from a warm guy checking its tires, a girl who, I felt, secretly dreams of a sweet guy walking her back to the car after she finishes singing in the choir, a man who will laugh with her when that beautiful throw turns into a gutter ball at the last second.
In all, at the end, I felt I knew Lars, I knew his world, and I appreciated his wonderful family and caring town. I felt good knowing that in their quirky Northern wastes they could count on each other and that love and brotherhood are always in the places where you least expect to find them.
The fact that I saw a few ladies walk out with Kleenexes proves to me that the message of the “Real Girl” is that true and abiding love we all recognize as genuine. Don’t judge this too quickly, or you may miss out on something insightful and true.
Florida Republican representative Bob Allen has been found guilty for soliciting sex in a public ( state park bathroom ) place.
What I found interesting, is his counsel repeated appeals to the fictitious geography known as “Bizarro World” as part of the defence.
During closing arguments earlier in the day, Eisenmenger told jurors the state’s version reminded him of a comic-book land called Bizarro World, “where everything is backward.”
And further….
But in his closing, Whitaker pointed to an enlarged mug shot of Allen’s unshaven face and declared, “This is Bizarro World.” “Bob Allen making eyes at police, looking over a stall door at another man’s eyes, going into that stall … looking at that man and saying, ‘This is kind of a public place, isn’t it?’ That is Bizarro World.”
Is this just not incredibly nutso? It would be like your defence including what happened in an episode of “Friends”. See it was just like that time Joey knew Rachel and Chandler were getting together but everyone thought he was a pervert. But remember, he kept saying “I’m Joey”?
But an appeal to Bizarro world is not unknown in Kryptonian jurisprudence.
Said defence for Zod, Law-El: “It is Bizarro World, General Zod was just arranging fireworks for a celebratory festival for that rapidly-approaching, gaseous star over there!”.
SXSW is coming up in March. Now would be the time to book hotels and get a cheaper pass if you’re thinking about it. Austin is very nice in March, breezy and sunny before the summer begins its slow torture of us locals.
Yes, I’m looking at you Daniel.
The record will show that the defendant has always much been a fan of The Ronettes and similar ( I credit it to my mom playing the Oldies station in my early years ). Well, as ever, what is old is new again and, uh, English, as the Brighton-based 60’s girl group re-hash trio The Pipettes make their way to Austin and perform on the 7th at The Parish Room on 6th street.
Note to Mice: Check out the Beyond the Valley of the Dolls footage
If anyone in ATX is interested in coming along lemme know.
Last night before we went to bed Lauren was watching YouTube and found a 1979 performance of Miss Piggy singing “Baby Face” at some sort of live gala event. I must say, I loved the way they swung the beat to disco and included beefcake-y male models escorting Piggy on an Egyptian style divan.
Remarked Lauren: “You know I never realized just how intentionally campy Miss Piggy is.”
And I thought to myself: “Indeed, for an overdramatic, quasi-narcissistic, stuffed, talking pig, she is rather campy.”
